You know I really didn't think it was going to be so tough to actually make the words come out of my mouth, "my test came back positive" and "doctor said, its MOST LIKELY, Lupus". I mean, yes I have pain and there are days I can not even button my own pants, but I haven't changed. In matter of fact I probably have been living with this for a very long time and its just now being verified. I'm not sickly or hospitalized....So why does professing it seem so difficult?!
Unfortunately my phone call to my Dad caught him at Home Depot. My Dad, a little opposite of my Mom, is of little words and thinks long before saying them. Not that my Mom doesn't think before speaking, I'm just saying...never mind. After I told him about the results, there is a bit of silence, which there always is before he says anything anyways. "Its probably best to get a second opinion" is what Dad says. Ok, at this point, I don't know why, but I am offended. Just as offended as I was when my Mom declares I do not have Lupus. I tell him, "well, its a blood test they do for a specific test, and a second opinion would be getting my same blood and taking the same lab test, that's why they want me to see the specialist, to determine exactly what it is, the Rheumatoid Specialist would be just that, a second opinion". He goes on to get my permission to talk to an Aunt about getting my Cousins number who's Daughter had passed away from Lupus, at a very young age. I tell him sure, but I am really not sure. I am afraid the word will spread within the family and it will get to someone that I should of told personally first. At this point, I'm tired, what ever will be will be. The last thing I remember my Dad telling me was something like this...You know, sometimes we have to go through something to appreciate the things we have in life....yup you guessed it, I was offended! After the phone call, I was thinking, Me? Unappreciated of what life has given me?! If anyone is following me on Instagram and is my friend on facebook, would know how much I appreciate life. I am hopeful, I am positive, yes I'm not perfect, I know there are two sides to a story, I am not judgemental, I believe in Karma, I know God has a plan for me and I trust it. Just maybe, just maybe, this doesn't mean me specifically, maybe it means that Others will learn to appreciate life through me...but I thought that was already happening...so why now this?
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